Notes about Nothing.

Well tomorrow Im getting my hair redone. I want it to be mega blonde. Ill have to see how it turns out. I got my hair cut short and i have a fringe now. It used to be long and well, fringeless. I decided i needed a new change. After id gotten over being sick. I stepped back and looked at myself. I felt like a new person. But i still looked like the same old rachael. So i cut it off and im dying it tomorrow. I know its a little, well i dont know what the word is. I guess with a new look on life i need a new look myself.

Also this week Im heading to the doctors again. I have to get a follow up blood test. See if all the hard work ive put in has payed off. I hope it has. When i was sick it was the lowest part of my life. I had hit rock bottom and i had pretty much destroyed my life. And it was pretty much my fault. During this time i grew apart from some people, got really depressed and emotional and i was really confused. After weeks of hardwork and refelection Im back to my self again. I havent been myself for at least 6 months, maybe more. When i look at it. Ive never seen life this way before. So maybe id never really been "me". During this time,as i said, i did alot of reflection. I used to wonder why i wasnt jumping out of bed in the morning? Why wasnt each day more exciting then the last? Life is what you make of it was the conclusion i reached. I have to make my life more exiciting . I have to be happy with what i have and stop wanting more. I was the one that was bringing myself down. And when you realise that, thats the first step to becoming a better person.

I gained a new sense of confidence. I saw myself in a different light. I was ready to take on the world again. I accepted my flaws. And i didnt try to hide them.
Accepting your flaws is a hard thing to do. I can be really weak and insecure. I get so anxious about things , i have ocd and i have alot of fears. Being outdoors at night for example. I got really down about my flaws at one point. Then i stepped back and realised. Even though i have these flaws , im still surrounded by people that love me for me. Everyone has flaws. Theres no two ways about it. Life would be boring if we were all perfect. Our flaws are what makes us unique. Perfection is fucked anyways.

Be who you are. Not who you think everyone else wants you to be.